I am suffering from temporary writer's block. So I decided to repost something I wrote over 2 years ago. I've made a couple of changes, so as not to plagiarize myself.
Being married for 16 loooooooong years, I think I've heard every excuse there is. Let me share some with you:
I have a headache
I have a stomach ache
I think I have the flu
My back is really bothering me today
I'm having chest palpitations
I feel like throwing up
I just had a bath
I didn't have a bath
I'm bleeding tonight
I don't feel like it
It's too early, maybe later
It's too late, you should have asked me earlier
Can't you just massage my back without wanting sex
I don't like you right now
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow
You were mean to me today
I'm too tired
I just woke up
I just washed the sheets
We'll have sex tomorrow
My twat hurts
And of course there are excuses that are based on the length of the relationship;
When it starts going downhill:
"I really don't like it when you wake me up for sex."
When you know things have changed for good:
"We just had sex yesterday."
After 5 years of marriage:
"We just had sex three days ago."
After 10 years of marriage:
"We just had sex last week."
After 15 years of marriage:
"I can't believe you are watching porn, all you do is think about sex. Grow up."
See also Poor Excuses For Not Having Sex. Funny stuff. Good intelligent analysis.
This crappy repost is just another way fog you to approach the homosexual arena again.
ReplyDeleteHello Ricky,
ReplyDeleteyou still lurking around?
I get the excuse that we don't want to disturb the cat, who shares the bed with us.
Women have more excuses than you can possibly list. Of course, I know this as a woman.
ReplyDeleteWhile we are talking about sex, I am sure anaonymous would like to tell us about his first homosexual experience.
"My twat hurts." LMAO!
ReplyDeleteBaldy gets off on using the vernacular. Just like the jew comedians that think they have to flush the toilet to get laughs.
ReplyDeleterickey, what excuses does your hand give you?
ReplyDeletechoosedoubt:
ReplyDeleteSame excuse as Dr Stranglelove's right hand...
Besides, Ricky once commented succintly on my blog: "Fuck you in the arse".
ReplyDeleteIf that doesn't imply crypto-homoerotic tendencies on Ricky's part, then what does? (LOL)
Before you you blame her for excuses, are you giving her what she needs, too? :P
ReplyDeleteBack massage=sex.
ReplyDeleteYup, wino, that's how it should work. Unless the back massage comes after sex in which case it means, "see, I'm not just getting up to go back and watch sports and I'm not rolling over and snoring, either."
ricky is a gay muslim male with a fetish for middle-aged married Jewish men.
ReplyDeletethe poor bastard follows people like wino around and he can never come out of the closet because he'd been honour-killed in a heartbeat.
we should all show ricky lots of sympathy...ROFLMAO!
Hussy, the only thing I know is what I think she needs. And she won't let me give it to her as much as she needs it.
ReplyDeleteSouthie, I have to tell my regulars that Wino is my old message board nickname. History: I named a yahoo ID affectionately after my wife; Gardenwino, short form is Wino. This is because my wife likes to spend the summer in the backyard gardens with a glass of wine in one hand and a hoe in another. And not the good kind of hoe either. I once said to her: maybe you could have a cable show called Garden Wino.
I hardly drink. Maybe one or two drinks a week on average, except when I go to a bar which is rare these days or a house party which doesn't happen til the summer....then I might have 2 or 3:)
sorry, beaj, but you'll always be wino to me.
ReplyDeleteBEAJ -
ReplyDeleteBravo. That's good stuff. The "Maybe later/You should have tried earlier" one almost makes me laugh at this point.
As to a backrub, sometimes I actually mean to just give a back rub, but you know the back has a way of extending down to the ass . . . and next thing you know.
Still works more often than not though. So it's always worth a go! ;-)
I thought those were funny and some hit too close to home ;)
ReplyDeleteWTF is with the trolls?