May 17, 2007

Odds and Ends

JIB AWARDS
Unofficially, I have won the JIB Award for Best Jewish Skepticism Blog. Voting closed yesterday. The votes still need to get audited for cheating (hacking multi votes). I voted once from my computer for myself on Mozilla, and my wife voted once on IE (I think she voted for me too), that is the extent of my cheating. I won by 9 votes, and I really came from behind as I was down by 30 on Sunday morning. Thanks to everyone who voted for me.

SARKOZY IS NOT A JEW BUT RENSE STILL CALLS ME A LIAR
My Judeophobe Watch blog has already made the "big time." Rense has published a post about me written by a Joooo paranoid White Supremacist named Shmurtis Maynard.
I'm described as a "Jewish Internet agent provocateur." I was called a liar for implying that Sarkozy was not a Jew, but a Catholic, which he is.
I made a point that these Joooo paranoid imbeciles "think" that anyone in power with even 1/16 Jewish ancestry is a Protocol reading, Talmud following Joooo who is out to control the world.
After I did some more research, I found that Sarkozy's maternal grandmother was a Christian woman named Bouvier. She was the reason apparently Sarkozy's grandfather converted to Catholicism.
So both Sarkozy's parents were Catholic, and on the maternal side, his mother was not a Jew. So Sarkozy does not qualify as a Jew either by religion or ethnicity. He needs to convert if he wants to get fast tracked into Israel.
When I tried to comment about this on the original blog I found that slandered me, the blog owner, Chris Womak, refused to publish my comments that vindicated me. This proved that anti-semites are very selective and will stick to any story that makes Jews look bad, regardless of the truth or facts.

About Rense:
(Jeff) Rense has been accused of anti-Semitism[5] and Holocaust denial, though he claims only to be anti-Zionist. He believes that Zionists are "in control of the world" and trying to "control civilized society" in order to bring in a "New World Order". His guests have criticized Judaism, and repeated false quotes from the Jewish Talmud. He also gives airtime to Holocaust deniers such as Ernst Zündel and Mark Weber, and backs theories that the Holocaust has been greatly exaggerated and used in various ways by "Jewish supremacists" for political power and that "Jewish financiers and bankers were ultimately responsible for hostility towards Jews."

Rense is a website for anyone interested in the new line of tin foil hats.

OVER 4,000 UNIQUE VISITORS ON TUESDAY

My sitemeter went nuts on Tuesday as I got a ton of hits on a post I made in February about Youtube Muslims conspiring to get Youtube Atheist accounts flagged and deleted for telling the truth about Islamic Jihad.
Someone posted the entry on Reddit. The Reddit people who viewed the story are pretty much hit and run artists, and I doubt I wound up getting many people who saved my blog in their "favorites."

For details on the Muslim conspiracy, see my previous post.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT AWAY WITH IT

I can't believe the mental anguish and stress I went through on Saturday. Let me paint the picture:
My wife works three days a week. She worked an early shift on Saturday (7-3). This means that the dogs are my responsibility totally when it comes to feeding and making sure Jake (our 10 year old plus rescue dog) goes outside to do his business. Daisy goes in and out many times a day (she is no problem), but Jake is close to cripple in the hind legs, and even the two steps he has to take to go down and up stairs to go in and out are difficult for him at times, and he is beginning to lose feeling in his hind quarters.

More background: I'm starting to think that my first name is "Don't," because my wife starts out at least 4-10 sentences a day with that word when she speaks to me lately.
And we have 2 and a half baths. The 1/2 bath downstairs still has carpet on the floor (why the former owners had carpet in every bathroom is beyond me) as does most of the ground floor.

7:00 AM I make it downstairs, my wife has already left for the morning shift. I let Daisy out. Jake is asleep.

9:00 AM I pick apart the chicken my wife cooked the night before to feed the dogs and then serve it to them.

9:15 AM I let Jake out the side door. I see he pees. Then he stays out for another few minutes. I'm not sure if he did the nasty or not.

9:45 AM Jake comes over to my computer area. Usually that means he wants to go out.
I let him out the back deck. He walks on the deck but doesn't take the steps to go to the backyard. He comes back in the house and proceeds to the kitchen area where he usually sleeps.

9:47 AM I smell something really offensive. I walk towards the kitchen, and find wet smelly dog poop. I go see Jake, point my finger at him and call him a retard.

9:48 AM I rip off a couple of paper towels and put my winter gloves on and pick up the wet gooey poop with a look of disgust on my face. I drop the poop into the toilet while a voice in my head says "my wife told me DON'T flush paper towels in the toilet because it will cause the toilet to flood." I told the voice that I'm don't believe it. I flush the toilet and then go get the Prosolve to deal with the carpet stain.

10:55 AM I feel proud of myself for dealing with the poop and cleaning the stain. The sun is shining outside, so I decide to surprise my wife by cutting the lawn.

11:45 AM I come back in the house to pee. I notice that water in the toilet is a bit higher than it normally is. I get the plunger and feebly try to unclog the toilet. A couple of plunges, and I figure I fixed the problem. I flush. Water levels rise in the toilet quickly. I go for the plunger as water starts dripping on the carpet.
Finally, the water level starts going down thanks to my aggressive plunging. But the carpet is soaked and my wife is coming back in just over 3 hours.

11:47 AM I get a big towel and soaked up as much water as I could before the towel was rendered so wet it was now useless. I then went for the smaller towels to do a more selective job. I went through a couple of them, and the carpet was still very damp. I put all the towels outside to dry.

12:05 PM I get a brainstorm and remember that my wife has a hair dryer (I haven't used one in many years). I go upstairs and get and then start blowing the carpet dry for fifteen minutes. It was still very wet.

12:30 PM I get a couple more small towels and start selective soaking followed by more hair dryer action. It is still wet, but I see some hope. I turn the furnace on even though is pretty warm in the house already.

12:45 PM I smell a burning smell. My wife covered all the vents because she turned the air conditioner on a few days earlier to help maximize the cool air going upstairs. I turn off the furnace.

12:50 PM I check on the towels outside and realize there is no chance they will be dry by 3, so I put them in the clothes dryer to help cover my tracks. An hour later I took them out of the dryer and put the now dry towels in the dirty laundry pile.

1:10 PM I go outside and mow the lawn for another 15 minutes.

1:25 PM More soaking and blow drying. I'm really focusing on the part of the carpet in the toilet that my wife's feet were most likely to touch. There is no major visual stain by now but the carpet is still wet.

I continued to towel and blow dry the carpet on and off until just after 3.

3:20 PM My wife comes home (she usually goes to the washroom minutes after coming home from work). I quickly ask her if I can get her some casual clothes from upstairs and HER SLIPPERS. I then hand her the slippers and she then says that she is exhausted so I don't have to bring her down her casual clothes because she is going to go lie down for a bit.

I told her that Jake pooped on the rug. She asked me where, I showed her. We had small talk about Jake losing control of his backside and then she then had the nerve to say, and I kid not, "what did you clean it with?" I replied, "toilet paper." She then said "you know that if you use paper towels, that you don't flush them down the toilet because they will plug the toilet." I replied, "of course I know that."

She then goes upstairs, without even setting foot in the bathroom and then lies down in bed (maybe there is a God....just kidding).

I continued to squeegee the carpet downstairs with my feet on and off for the rest of the day.

My wife falls asleep, and gets up around 6 to tell me that I'm on my own for dinner.
She nukes a frozen dinner in the kitchen, and goes upstairs to eat it in bed (I hate that she eats in bed, but I really liked it this time). She stayed upstairs the rest of the night.

The next morning, I get up early and continue squeegeeing the floor with my feet. My wife comes downstairs and she finally uses the toilet. My heart is going a mile a minute. I hear a flush, she comes out, and she didn't notice a thing:) The carpet on the sides and the back of the toilet were still noticeably damp, but place she put her feet was 90% dry by now, and besides, she was wearing her slippers.

Still one more hurdle. I knew a nephew and niece were coming over later in the afternoon. If they wind up using the bathroom, my jig would probably be up.

They came over for around an hour, but didn't use the bathroom.

Yesterday, was the first day that the total carpet in the bathroom was entirely dry.

Since my wife never reads my blog, and I know (or hope) that my friends and family who read this won't rat me out, I can confidently say that I escaped a very large episode of experiencing my wife's wrath, and a guaranteed maniacal rant about how inept and non caring I am. I feel no guilt about this deception either.

The above is an illustration of why I could never have an extramarital affair. I would end up in a loony bin trying to hide my tracks.

I did learn something. I will never try to flush paper towels down the toilet ever again for the rest of my life.

15 comments:

  1. Waaaaay too much pressure. Now one of my daughters is much like that....I do love her but prefer to see her about once a year and for as brief a visit as possible.

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  2. I was cracking up reading that. Pull that carpet up and lay some tile.

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  3. I just remembered some more about what happened when she got home and edited in the post. And yes, every part of it is true.

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  4. I'm starting to think that my first name is "Don't," because my wife starts out at least 4-10 sentences a day with that word when she speaks to me lately.

    Very funny, but you're lucky. When I get my wife mad, I may as well change my name to "You bastard."

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  5. ROFLMAO! Great story, beaj. That's why I have kids: if I do something stupid, I can blame it on them.

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  6. Hello from Perú, Beaj
    I voted for you too
    Good blog

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  7. BEAJ: Congratulations, buddy! And on the topic of web anti-Semitism, if you need some help with your Judophobe Watch site, I'm willing to help out.

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  8. Hahahah

    Serves you right for not listening to wifey. ;)

    Funny story.

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  9. Well, well, well. I see nothing much changes here. On Sarkozy,

    "In July 2006, while on a visit to Greece, Nicolas Sarkozy was honored at the French embassy in Athens by the Jewish Community of Salonika.

    A plaque was unveiled which said: “In memory of Nicolas Sarkozy’s visit to Greece from the Thessaloniki Jewish Community, the town of your ancestors, mother and city of Israel and Jerusalem of the Balkans.”"

    http://www.ejpress.org/article/16221

    "At the event the wife of the president of the Jewish community of Salonika David Saltiel, Lucy, who was born from the same Mallah family, was also present. A visibly moved Sarkozy thanked the community and said: “my roots are here”."

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  10. Lucy's father was Jew who converted to Catholicism but his her mother was a Catholic without Jewish ancestry.
    Nobody is denying that Sarkozy doesn't have Jewish ancestry. However, he is not a Jew by any known definition. Neither by religion or ethnicity (his mom was not a Jew).

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  11. Yes, I understand. Deciding who someone is, or rather labeling them, by their mother's ancestry is so scientific.

    It doesn't matter what they think or what they do, they are forever a certain type of person by the accident of their birth.

    I only came here again because of a link from Atheist Revolution that I didn't look closely enough at. I have probably overstayed my welcome.

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  12. Bernarda, I have no problem with civil conversation. You should check out my Real History of Judaism post btw.

    As far as being scientific, there are many labels we put on people that have nothing to do with science or rationality. Is it rational to identify yourself with a favorite soccer team just because the home games are played close to where you live, yet the players come from everywhere on the planet?

    I realize that anti-semites really help identify me as a Jew, but there are other factors like culture and family too. Other people perceive me as a Jew just by my name. "Oh, that is a Jewish name" which is usually followed by "my great grandfather was a Jew, I think"

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  13. Here's a very important tip for next time you flush paper towels: when the water in the toilet starts to rise and you think it's going to overflow, REACH BEHIND THE TOILET AND TURN THE KNOB ON THE WALL ALL THE WAY OFF. There is a little knob low on the wall behind all toilets, in case you did not know. Go and look if you don't believe me.

    This shuts off the water to the toilet. Usually if you wait a few minutes the water will drain out of the toilet and/or you can safely plunge and get the clog out. Then turn the water back on and flush again.

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