May 18, 2011

It Is Easier To Admit To Many Things, But Atheism Is A Hard One

I live in a town where you just don't walk around with "There Aint No God" T-shirts. I think it is more a matter of not offending others than caring what others would think of me as an atheist. Though that comes into play too.

Of course, there are some things I can say out loud that can draw attention to my atheism, but to out and out state I'm an atheist, or there is no God, well that is where I feel uneasy.

Here is a partial list of things I feel less stress in admitting to than my atheism in my little town, and I wouldn't have a problem wearing T-shirts for any of these things or mentioning these things with quasi strangers or casual acquaintances:

1. I sometimes surf internet porn.
2. I avoid manual labor whenever possible.
3. Pepperoni sticks go right through me.
4. My wife never initiates sex anymore.
5. I currently have a pimple on one of my ass cheeks.
6. Religious schools should not receive government funding.
7. Black guys in pairs, or more, make me nervous when I'm walking down the street.
8. I watch Two and a Half Men and it makes me laugh.

Speaking of Two and a Half Men, it was just announced that Ashton Kutcher is joining the show. It is highly doubtful that he will be Charlie, so I figured out the best way for the show to morph him in.

The new season begins at a funeral. Charlie was on a yacht with 3 gorgeous women when he slipped off. His body was not recovered (this leaves the door open to his unlikely return in the future).

Kutcher is at the funeral, and nobody knows who he is, but his presence makes Evelyn (the mother of Charlie and Alan) very nervous.

It turns out that Kutcher was given away at birth. His father was a well known actor or politician (a Schwarzenegger type) who never knew about the pregnancy.

It turns out that Kutcher recently found out about his half siblings, and when he read of Charlie's funeral, he had to be there.

Kutcher is a professional surfer bum, who never had a real job, and is currently living in a tent on a beach.

Kutcher tells Alan and Evelyn who he is. This causes Alan indifference at first, and Evelyn of course is embarrassed with a trace of guilt.

At the reading of the will it is found out that Charlie's entire estate is left to his brother Alan, as long as the house is not sold. The thing is that Ashton's middle name is Alan.

After some humming and hawing, Alan decides to avoid further court costs by splitting the estate with Kutcher.

They now have the responsibility of making enough money to keep the house's upkeep (property taxes are pretty high). This means that Kutcher has to try to buckle down and get serious about a real job.

And the fun begins.

I know, too much time on my hands. Wasted a lot of valuable porn surfing time writing this post too.