PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT ON THE FORCED WITHDRAWAL OF ISRAELI RELIGIOUS ZEALOTS FROM THE GAZARIAN STRIP
Statement by the President
THE PRESIDENT: This week, after several years of delays, I am pleased to report that the Israeloids and Palestinos have begun to make significant progress on my inspired, 100% original Road Map to Peace.
I want to thank Ariel Sharon, who, after singlehandedly kicking off this "Interfada" bloodbath back in 2000, has agreed to pretend that a pullout from the Goza Strip was his idea – instead of an outright edict from the U.S. State Department. As compensation for this obedience, old Humptystein Dumptyberg will be permitted to continue his furious suckling at the meaty teat of American military-economic aid.
Today, with the Jewish withdrawal well underway, I also want to give a shout-out to the Gazarian settlers themselves. I mean, my heart really goes out to those poor curlycue sideburn folks. After all, I know how hard it is to give something back that you selfishly stole fair and square. It's kinda like when liberals try to "roll back" all the juicy tax breaks I give me and my zillionaire pals while America's poor and colored trash can't even afford to fill their gas tanks. Except instead of money, this is land. Arid, ugly land. Hell, that would be like giving back Texas after we invested so much effort into slaughtering all those Mexicans!
Unfortunately, it looks like forcing you Judys to give up your ill-gotten gains is one of the only ways we're going to get these Islamistani extremists to settle down. Because if we don't do that, they really are going to topple my corrupt Arab petroleum monarch buddies, cut off the gas supply, then whoop our Judaeo Christian asses but good. And if you can believe it – it's only taken me five years of non-stop death and terror to realize that!
Anyway, I wish Israel's religious zealots the very best during this difficult time. Because while we may both privately laugh about how dumb the other's version of God is, the fact is that Sharon Israel and Bush America have taught each other a great deal. We've taught you how to use mountains of mega-weapons to annihilate impoverished, pebble-tossing non-threats, and you've taught us how to build a paranoid right-wing theocracy that responds to all reasoned and valid criticism with shrill and hysterical accusations of bigotry. Talk about a tasty recipe for marginalizing our secular and moderate majorities into a pack of helpless eunuchs!
All that said, I also want to express my token support for the Palestinarian people. I really do hope that you will be placated by the return of your precious dustbowl – if for no other reason than the whole world is really tired of you people whining and blowing yourselves into Alpo.
To be honest though, I can't say as I'm too terribly optimistic. I mean, the thing about this situation is that both sides – the Jewishes AND the Palestiniacs – are so batshit psycho crazy, and have committed so many ultra-nasty crimes against each other, that they're pretty much all morally bankrupt hypocrites at this point. Yeah, I know – "pot calling the kettle black," right? So sue me. It's like I always say: "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating!"
In closing, I'd like to reassure my tongues-talking evangelical Christian American base that even though the surrender of the Jawa Strip may seem contrary to my promise to defend Hell-bound Jews, that you can still rest assured that all of our tender and compassionate peace-brokering work has not been for naught. For I have it on authority from the Lord Himself that any day now, the Rapture will be upon us, and Jesus will descend to drop kick all those Hebrewskis and Muslamiacs into the bottomless pit of fire to be viciously ass-raped by demons for all eternity.
Thank you, and God Bless America.
http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2005/081805.asp
August 27, 2005
August 24, 2005
PALESTINIAN NO NO SONG (revised version)
With apologies in advance to the deceased Hoyt Axton and any of his family, friends or fans.
A woman that I know just came from Gaza City.
She smiled because I did not understand.
Then she held out some big rocks, uh huh.
She said they were the finest in the land.
And I said, "No no no no, I don't throw them no more.
I'm tired of being shot to the floor.
No thank you, please, it only makes the Jews peeved.
And we can never ever win a war."
A man I know just came to me from Saudi Arabia, Oh.
He smiled because I did not understand.
Then he held out some M15 bullets, oh ho!
He said they were the finest in the land.
And I said, "No no no no, I don't shoot Jews no more.
I'm tired of being shot to the floor.
No thank you, please, it only makes the Jews peeved.
And we can never ever win a war."
A woman that I know just came from Baghdad, Iraq
She smiled because I did not understand.
Then she held out a 10 pound suicide belt.
She said it was the finest in the land.
And I said, "No no no no, I don't explode no more.
I'm tired of blowing up on the floor.
No thank you, please, it only makes the Jews peeved.
And we can never ever win a war."
I wonder if Ringo will record this too. His looks have been compared to Arafat.
It might be a good comeback song.
A woman that I know just came from Gaza City.
She smiled because I did not understand.
Then she held out some big rocks, uh huh.
She said they were the finest in the land.
And I said, "No no no no, I don't throw them no more.
I'm tired of being shot to the floor.
No thank you, please, it only makes the Jews peeved.
And we can never ever win a war."
A man I know just came to me from Saudi Arabia, Oh.
He smiled because I did not understand.
Then he held out some M15 bullets, oh ho!
He said they were the finest in the land.
And I said, "No no no no, I don't shoot Jews no more.
I'm tired of being shot to the floor.
No thank you, please, it only makes the Jews peeved.
And we can never ever win a war."
A woman that I know just came from Baghdad, Iraq
She smiled because I did not understand.
Then she held out a 10 pound suicide belt.
She said it was the finest in the land.
And I said, "No no no no, I don't explode no more.
I'm tired of blowing up on the floor.
No thank you, please, it only makes the Jews peeved.
And we can never ever win a war."
I wonder if Ringo will record this too. His looks have been compared to Arafat.
It might be a good comeback song.
August 21, 2005
THE GAZAN WITHDRAWAL: ARABS BEING TRICKED
It makes me laugh reading posts on the Yahoo I/P conflict message boards by Palestinian sympathisers (who are either mostly Arabs and/or Muslims and/or Jew haters) claiming victory because the Jews are retreating.
This was a well thought out plan by Israel to show the world that Palestinians do not want a state, can't build a state, and that their focus of wiping out Israel has never gone away.
Arabs have never been known to build. Even with around half the world's oil, Arab nations are backwards. The average IQ of Arab countries is in the low to mid 80's. The typical Arab culture does not focus on education and humanity but seems to focus on hate and death.
Gaza has no oil. Gaza is appealing to every Islamic terrorsist organization to set up shop there. Palestinian leaders have a history of corruption. No Arab state has ever supported the Palestinian people other than incite them to attack Israel.
Gaza already is poverty stricken. Getting rid of Jews and possible affluence is not going to help them. They are destined to continue terrorist attacks against Israel and struggle internally to the point of having civil unrest and probably civil war.
Speaking of attacks, without Jews to use as human shields, Gazan Arabs are now unprotected. Terrorist attacks against Israel will cause a retaliation that the Palestinians have never seen before. They won't like it much. But the world will not sympathize with them this time. Muslim bombings in the USA and Britain have created zero tolerance against terrorism by the West.
The Arabs who think that 57 years of terror caused the "liberation" of Gaza are sadly mistaken. Gaza will quickly become a terrorist hell hole and just a couple of attacks against Israel will turn the rest of "The Roadmap" into toilet paper.
I can't see Gaza living peacefully next to Israel which would lead to a massive dismantling of the West Bank. Palestinians can not help themselves, they have to attack Israel, it is their nature. Thus the Gazan withdrawal, which occurred before the Palestinians dismantled terrorist groups, is just a trick being played on the Arabs by the Jews.
If the Palestinians were smart, and they are not, they would have begged the Jews to stay.
This was a well thought out plan by Israel to show the world that Palestinians do not want a state, can't build a state, and that their focus of wiping out Israel has never gone away.
Arabs have never been known to build. Even with around half the world's oil, Arab nations are backwards. The average IQ of Arab countries is in the low to mid 80's. The typical Arab culture does not focus on education and humanity but seems to focus on hate and death.
Gaza has no oil. Gaza is appealing to every Islamic terrorsist organization to set up shop there. Palestinian leaders have a history of corruption. No Arab state has ever supported the Palestinian people other than incite them to attack Israel.
Gaza already is poverty stricken. Getting rid of Jews and possible affluence is not going to help them. They are destined to continue terrorist attacks against Israel and struggle internally to the point of having civil unrest and probably civil war.
Speaking of attacks, without Jews to use as human shields, Gazan Arabs are now unprotected. Terrorist attacks against Israel will cause a retaliation that the Palestinians have never seen before. They won't like it much. But the world will not sympathize with them this time. Muslim bombings in the USA and Britain have created zero tolerance against terrorism by the West.
The Arabs who think that 57 years of terror caused the "liberation" of Gaza are sadly mistaken. Gaza will quickly become a terrorist hell hole and just a couple of attacks against Israel will turn the rest of "The Roadmap" into toilet paper.
I can't see Gaza living peacefully next to Israel which would lead to a massive dismantling of the West Bank. Palestinians can not help themselves, they have to attack Israel, it is their nature. Thus the Gazan withdrawal, which occurred before the Palestinians dismantled terrorist groups, is just a trick being played on the Arabs by the Jews.
If the Palestinians were smart, and they are not, they would have begged the Jews to stay.
August 16, 2005
CREATIONISM IS FULL OF POOP
God created man 6000 years ago and he made man a pooper. Yeah right.
There could have been many other ways to design animals so that they would burn off what we ate and drank without pooping and peeing it out.
There are probably many life forms in the universe that have no conception of shit and urine. Maybe they were created by God. We weren't.
There could have been many other ways to design animals so that they would burn off what we ate and drank without pooping and peeing it out.
There are probably many life forms in the universe that have no conception of shit and urine. Maybe they were created by God. We weren't.
August 14, 2005
I JUST JOINED A NEW FORUM
I want to bond with my Atheist brethren so I joined http://ravingatheist.com/forum/
I just want to see if it is as enjoyable as the Yahoo Israel Palestinian boards. So far I'm finding it is a slow moving forum.
Answer to the trivia quiz is zero. One thing I found odd is that Imagine never made the Billboard 100 for either 1971 or 1972.
Two of the songs which really started getting me to think about atheism were Imagine and We're Here For a Good Time (not a long time). They both came out around the time I was taking a crash course in Hebrew for my Bar Mitzvah.
But I attribute my final push into a godless world was high school English and Physics.
Existentialism and the infinite universe turned me into a true non-believer.
I just want to see if it is as enjoyable as the Yahoo Israel Palestinian boards. So far I'm finding it is a slow moving forum.
Answer to the trivia quiz is zero. One thing I found odd is that Imagine never made the Billboard 100 for either 1971 or 1972.
Two of the songs which really started getting me to think about atheism were Imagine and We're Here For a Good Time (not a long time). They both came out around the time I was taking a crash course in Hebrew for my Bar Mitzvah.
But I attribute my final push into a godless world was high school English and Physics.
Existentialism and the infinite universe turned me into a true non-believer.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)