April 15, 2006

God Inspired The Bible But Couldn't Get His Story Straight

HAPPY EASTER TO MY FUNDY FRIENDS



Skeptic's Annotated Bible on Who Saw Jesus Rise First:

The two Marys
Matthew 28:1, 9
In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.... And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him.

Mary Magdalene
Mark 16:9
Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils.

John 20:11-14
But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping ... and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.

Cleopas and another
Luke 24:13-31
And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus.... And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days? ... And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them. And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.

Cephas
1 Corinthians 15:4-5
And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures: And that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve.


I'm sure that the Fundies have spun this one over and over again to make their Bible literally correct. Too bad they waste their time on this nonsense. They are better off learning about evolution, and I mean learn from real science sources.


Bonus picture: Atheists Last Supper, courtesy of Minister of Rants, another very funny site.

April 14, 2006

JOKE TIME


One day two clergymen, a priest and a rabbi, are playing a round of golf. On the first hole the rabbi hits the ball into a sand trap. "Shit, I missed!" says the rabbi.

The priest says, "You shouldn't use such language, you'll incite the Lord's wrath."

"Yeah whatever," the rabbi replies. After retrieving his ball the rabbi swings again and hits the ball into the woods. "God damnit, I missed!" he exclaims.

The priest says, "Don't say that, for it is a sin to take the Lord's name in vain."

"Right, sure," says the rabbi. After playing through the rabbi takes one more swing and hits the ball into the pond. "Fuck it, I missed!" he says.

All of a sudden the skies darken with stormclouds. A lightning bolt flashes from the heavens and strikes the priest, electrocuting him instantly.

A big booming voice in the sky rings out, "Shit I missed!"


Thanks to Silentknight who posted this joke in the Raving Atheist Forum.

If anyone has a sinister religious themed joke, feel free to post it as a comment to this post.

April 13, 2006

MALE NIPPLES SERVE A PURPOSE


Are male nipples vestigial? Hogwash. In a recent survey, over 2,800,000,000 sperm were observed and interviewed, and the findings are very surprising.
It seems that when the male nipple is touched just prior to, or during intercourse, sperm swim up to 3 times faster in the vagina than the sperm that was ejaculated by men who didn't have their nipples touched. And because of the increased speed, the load from a nipple aroused male was 5 times more likely to impregnate an egg, as more sperm sped past all the dangerous obstacles in the vagina.
Surprisingly, the reason the sperm was faster, was because they were frightened and just wanted to get away from the male who had his nipples touched, in fact they were homophobic about it. 79% of the sperm interviewed stated that they were freaked out. One sperm was quoted as saying, "it scared the hell out of me that this dude was springing into action because his nipples were being rubbed. How gay is that?, I just swam as fast as I could to get away." Another sperm said "I thought for sure I was gonna die a smelly death in some dark hairy butt."

OK, now for some real science. 'During the early stages of human development all humans, both male and female, have the same initial body structure. This includes both sexual organs (although not yet fully developed) and nipples. In the later stages of development specific hormones are added to our bodies that will change the fetus's development to either male or female. Depending on the hormone, the other sexual organ is abandoned, and the dominant one develops fully.

Nipples, on the other hand, are developed prior to the body choosing its sex and are not effected by the new hormones. This means that nipples are not a sex organ, even though they seem like they would be. With that stated, you could ask why do men have arms and legs. But the problem remains that men don't use their nipples.

The real question should be, why do men still have nipples? Why haven't our bodies evolved to the point where men no longer have nipples? Well, evolutionary changes usually only occur to adjust to the environment. As far as breeding is concerned it doesn't matter whether males have nipples or not because women don't seem to look at nipple size as a type of attraction, thus men never evolved to the point where they would be removed.

Most mammals have a few vestigial body parts that haven't been removed yet by evolution. It's nothing to get worked up over, just remember that evolution is a very slow process.'

And continuing along these lines, author of The Puzzle, Louis Berman, has a pretty good theory on how this actually relates to homosexuality: "male homosexuality results from an interaction between inborn and social factors, and that an important inborn factor is low brain masculinization. Why do male brains have to become masculinized at a given stage of embryonic development? Because for the first six weeks of life, all embryos are proto-female. Afterwards, some male brains become more thoroughly masculinized than others. Males whose brains are masculinized to a lesser or minimal extent, are more likely to display gender-discordance, or to drift toward homosexuality as a way of correcting or accommodating to their felt deficit....At that early stage of prenatal life, there is a fork in the road of development. If there are no hormonal changes in the prenatal environment, the embryo developes into a female. If, however, the embryo is destined to become a male, its Y-chromosomes trigger the production of testosterone (the male hormone), which masculinizes the brain and genitalia (internal as well as external) of the embryo. But it takes no female hormone to produce a female infant. (Only at age ten or later does the female body begin to produce the hormones that transform the girl into a woman.)...But, there is some direct evidence, and lots of indirect evidence, that there is a wide range of variation in the degree to which the male brain is masculinized. The Puzzle argues that the low-masculinized brain shades the inner life of the individual with female thoughts, feelings, and wishes. This tendency, it is hypothesized, underlies gender-discordant behavior, fear of homosexuality, and homosexual behavior. "

This kind of stuff really blows the Fundies argument that homosexuality is a choice.
In fact, it makes me wonder if the men who are most opposed to homosexuality are also those whose brains didn't fully get masulinized, and they are fighting their own demons. Can any Fundies relate to this?

April 11, 2006

Future Best Seller?


This is expected to sell more copies than the bible.

65% of high school drop outs are Young Earth Creationists. Not sure how many of them are capable of reading a book though.

MORE LYING FOR GOD


Here is a video: "What Does Science Really Know," mostly in Hebrew (with English subtitles), that shows how some unscientific Jews use the art of deception to try to prove God. By making their points with ignorance, half lies, and out of context quotes, this film comes to the asinine conclusion that because science doesn't have all the answers(YET), Godidit. It would be great if the people who did videos like this had even a basic understanding of what a scientific theory is.

Now we must not forget how the Quran Leads the Way to Science. In this video we learn "that before Islam, Arabs were a barbarous people who worshipped idols of their own making, believed warfare and bloodshed were virtuous, and were even capable of killing their own children." Whew, could you imagine how bad the Arabs would be if not for the Quran? The Quran taught the Arabs all about the Religion of Peace, and how to be science minded. Think of all the scientific and medical breakthroughs the world would be missing if not for the Quran.



Fundamentalist Muslims don't believe in evolution either. But I wonder why they allow for evolution when it comes to certain people. Don't they believe that Jews came from pigs and monkeys?