Breaking News from either Weasel Zippers or American Thinker:
If he wins the 2012 Presidential election, Rick Santorum has vowed to have all U.S. Birth Certificates (including Obama's questionable birth certificate) show a birth date 9 months earlier than what is previously on the certificate.
"Life begins at inception, it is nothing but a complete fraud to state that one's birth date is the day the cord is cut," Santorum told a gaggle of white Baptist men in Ohio today.
Under Santorum's proposal, the child's mother must apply for a birth certificate and social security number no later than the second missed period, even though the sex of the fetus can't be determined until the 4th or 5th month.
"This may limit the names of children to Pat, Casey, Leslie and Jordan, but that is a small price to pay in order to finally make abortions worthy of a death sentence," an uncontrollably blinking Santorum stated.
Santorum also explained that there is another plus to this when it comes to adding 9 months to all American's ages is that it will increase the life expectancy of all Americans. The USA will move up to around 28th amongst all world countries. This will close the gap between the USA and other countries with successful Universal Heath Care Systems. "This should help kill Obamacare once and for all," a confident Santorum said.
In related news, Santorum also wants Congress to pass the Marriage Is For Procreative Sex Only Law. If passed, it will make it impossible for gays to get married. It also makes it impossible for infertile individuals to marry, as well as post menopausal women. "Again, this is a small price to pay to prevent sick sinning homosexuals from walking down the aisle together," a now frothing Santorum stated, "Jack and Jill went up the hill, not Jack and Peter."
Editor's Note: And to think, it isn't even April 1 yet.
