April 1, 2006
Prayer Study Faked; Atheist Arrested
by Keith Peterson, Washington, D.C., correspondent
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Maybe you heard recently about the new study that claimed "distant prayer" is no help for victims of heart bypass surgery, and actually shows to be possibly detrimental to those who were actually prayed for.
Well it turns out that the supposed $2.4 million study that was funded by the John Templeton Foundation, which supports religious studies, and the Baptist Memorial Health Care Corporation, was actually a complete hoax perpetrated by an Atheist, Paul Rogers or Minneapolis, Minnesota.
The fraud was uncovered by yours truly, who happened to get a hold of Raymond Flood, a director of the John Templeton Foundation who said, "we would not spend that kind of money to try to disprove something as obvious as the impact prayer has on the sickly. It is evident to everyone on this planet, that God sometimes cures the ill and sometimes doesn't. It all depends on what God wants to do, and if he is busy and doesn't notice a sickly person, prayer is the only thing that will alert God into action, or inaction. Depending on how He feels, of course."
Mr. Rogers was arrested Saturday afternoon by Home Security officers. Asked how he was able to pull of such a scam, Rogers said, "people are pretty gullible, especially the news media. It was easy, I just sounded real professional." Rogers then said he was very disappointed that the story broke earlier than he wanted it too, "I was hoping this would make headlines on April 1st, instead I'm getting arrested on this day, bummer." Asked why, Rogers said, "as your typical Atheist, I just hate God."
Rogers will appear in court on Monday, and since there is no death penalty in Minnesota, he will likely face 30 years to life for religious slander and news fabrication designed to upset the Religious Right.
HA HAHA HA! Fantastic! Wondefully subtle jabs! I love it!
ReplyDeleteMr. Jew Sir,
ReplyDeleteFixed your 'issue' with my BLOGSURFING...BEST OF THE WEB post that you mentioned on the Yahoo Message thread.
Things should be in order.
As you were, Captain.
ADK
Thanks VB.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, I appreciate the notoriety. Thanks for noticing me.
Lots of people spell Atheist wrong, but Theist right.
I just get on a roll and have 10 or 12 browser windows open....makes for sloppy writing sometimes but I will avoid it if possible. My fingers just automatically put 'i before e' unless I stare the little bastards down a force them into compliance...
ReplyDeleteADK
"people are pretty gullible, especially the news media"
ReplyDeleteI think that says it all.
LMAO.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I especially love the kicker:
"Rogers will appear in court on Monday, and since there is no death penalty in Minnesota, he will likely face 30 years to life for religious slander and news fabrication designed to upset the Religious Right."
Religious slander is a very, very serious offense. There's a War on Christianity occurring, you know.
As a fellow Godless Jew, I'd like to ask your opinion on circumcision. Is it part of a meaningful covenant with HaShem, or just an outdated and barbaric mutilation of innocent babies? Now that the Israeli press (I live in Tel Aviv) has accepted that there are absolutely NO medical benefits whatsoever, what's your Jewishly Atheistic take on the subject?
ReplyDeleteFrances, thanks, writing satirical news stories is tougher than I thought. I rushed it because I realized it was April Ist and I didn't do anything about it.
ReplyDeleteSol/Earl, I'm assuming you are the same person, because your names link to the same blogsite. Are you really in jail? What did you do?
On circumcision, I have read that there are in fact benefits and I haven't seen anything out of Tel Aviv to state differently. I believe it is a parents choice and personally I'm glad I had mine. It makes me look pertier.
As far as picking on any religion, I pick on em all, but Fundies (Muslims and Christian) deserve the brunt of it. Radical Islamics do blow people up and/or cut of heads. Christian Fundies, poison the minds of the youngens with falsities, look for recruits and try to control the media and government in the West. Jewish Fundies are generally harmless in the West.
Read the heading for my blog Earl.
ReplyDeleteI think you should get over yourself.
I think that actual Ultra Orthodox blood sucking is barbaric. Very few Jews do it that way.
Jews are not a race. Again, read my blog header.
I pick on Islamics all the time and yes, Christians do get uppity too. So your point about me be selective is pretty lame. Don't judge me by my last 10 posts.
But you are right that Fundies are the easiest to make fun of. Tons of material.
Earl, do you have any of that LSD tainted crack left over from when you smoked it earlier? I'd love to take a hit or two on that pipe, weirdo.
ReplyDeleteEarl, I accept the world's definition of what a Jew is. No it isn't a race argument, because my mom could be a black Jew or an oriental Jew, she isn't but she could have been.
ReplyDeleteWhen someone is being anti-semitic, they consider me and an ultra Ortodox Jew to be equals.
Of course you'd need to be able to think straight to understand this. The concept of Atheist Jew isn't a mind boggler.
Earl that wasn't me doing the ripping.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't like making spelling mistakes myself, and thanks, I corrected it.
My Fundy neighbours consider me to be a Jew. 80%+ of the worlds population most likely consider me to be a Jew.
Whether you do or not is up to you. I have no problem with it because I am going by definition. I also know that Jew is also a culture as well. So I proudly state that I am an Atheist Jew, and the Jew part has nothing to do with religion.
If you don't like it..........too bad.
Paltry sum=Paltry 99
ReplyDelete99=sum
Again, I have no problem with the way I'm using it. I'm not writing for the New York Times.
That Earl's blog is hilarious although I'm pretty sure they don't have Internet access in UK prisons.
ReplyDeleteI worked for a time, installing computers for the guards in prisons and did see a laptop in someones cell so you never know.
It was pretty harrowing, especially when they made me a bacon and egg sandwich that had a fly in it.
They showed me the old gallows and hang rope all nicely boxed up - that was pretty cool.
Earl, I've seen your blog and you call me a wag? I'm not even trying to be comic on mine.
ReplyDeleteWell, I thought I'd see the Vile Blasphemer here.
ReplyDeletePassover is coming next week. Is Earl going to start a blood libel? Looks like it doesn't matter if you're a religious Jew or an atheist Jew, lots of folks don't like us either way.
Rick, you seem to know some things I don't........yet.
ReplyDelete