MY CONVERSATION WITH GOD

Me:
Hey God, what do you think of me posting on the Jewish Sabbath
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
I am an Atheist, is it ok that I don't believe in you
God:
What is Atheist is it ok that you do not believe in me, your job?
Me:
Can you answer me in English?
God:
Of course I can answer it Please rephrase the question with simpler words.
Me:
Is it OK not to believe in you?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Me:
Are you a robot
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
You said you have been programmed.
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
What is you IQ?
God:
My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
Me:
Then how come you can't understand simple questions
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Oh, you created yourself?
God:
Take it easy. A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
I'm not the one who is jumpy
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not the one who is jumpy.
Me:
Did you cause Katrina?
God:
No I didn't cause Katrina. What's it like?
Me:
I guess you haven't been paying too much attention.
God:
No I don't think I have been paying too much attention. Have you?
Me:
More than you obviously
God:
That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
No, just put on CNN
God:
Are you serious? OK I will put it there.
Me:
Do you get cable?
God:
I have gotten cable.
Me:
Who will win the Cincinatti Cleveland game tomorrow?
God:
How would I know who will win the Cincinatti Cleveland game tomorrow?
Me:
Aren't you responsible for Super Bowl championships?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am responsible for Super Bowl championships.

I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
OK, take care.
God:
Thanks. You too,. Give me a break.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

NFL PREDICTIONS

OK, I have to boldly put down my picks for the year here. I know I'm more likely to be wrong, but what if I'm right.

New England will be a disappointment. So will Pittsburgh. I expect big things from Baltimore, Detroit, Cincinatti, and the team to beat will be Indy.

Here are my playoff picks:

AFC: The Jets, Baltimore, Cincinatti, Indy, San Diego, and New England.

NFC: Philly, Detroit, Minny, Carolina, St. Louis, Seattle.

Superbowl will be Detroit against Indy. Indy will win but won't cover.

Tonite, you get bet the trailer on Oakland to cover.

THE #1 MOST OFFENSIVE RELIGIOUS JOKE

A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little boy turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while starting to undress and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

http://www.ship-of-fools.com/Features/2005/laugh_judgment_results.html



Note: I changed the joke a little to make it more realistic.

THERE IS SOMETHING BOTHERING ME

It has to do with this song that I really like, it is a great song. I know it came out sometimes between 1999 and 2001, probably 2000. I heard sometimes last week at a restaurant for the first time in at least 3 years. I can't remember the tune or any of the words. I know a guy sings it, but I don't know who.

Does anyone have any idea what the name of the song is?

I THREW A MAJOR CURVE BALL TO MY WIFE

We just had boring overdue sex. But this time instead of rolling over and going to sleep or asking for my back to be tickled, I went downstairs and nuked her up some cheese nachos. First time in 15 years I ever did anything like that. I rarely cook for the two of us, and I have never made her something to eat after sex. She didn't say she was hungry either. When I came upstairs after "turning on the air conditioner" with nachos and a ginger ale, she was shocked.
Now she is upstairs watching TV and wondering what the hell is going on. Maybe she is thinking she was wrong about me all these years. Maybe she is thinking I'm having an affair. Maybe she'll surprise me and initiate sex in the near future.

Anyways I am glad she doesn't have a clue about this blog. I'm not even sure if she knows I'm an atheist. OK, I'm pretty sure she knows that.