March 14, 2006


You Are Krusty the Clown

You were the class clown as a kid, and you still entertain people.

From faking your own death to getting a wacky boob job, you'll do anything for a laugh.

You will be remembered for: your face being everywhere, from cereal to home pregnancy tests

Your life philosophy: "I heartily endorse this event or product."

Religion Quotes from The Simpsons

"I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me."
- Homer Simpson

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." - Homer Simpson

"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!" - Homer Simpson

Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughin’, did you?”
- Homer Simpson

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!"
- Homer Simpson

"Come on Milhouse, there’s no such thing as a soul! It’s just something they made up to scare kids, like the Boogie Man or Michael Jackson.”
- Bart Simpson

"I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens, he came in peace and then died, only to come back to life, and his name was E.T., the extra terestrial. I loved that little guy."
- Reverend Lovejoy

"Once something has been approved by the Government, It's no longer immoral."
- Reverend Lovejoy

"And as we pass the collection plate, please give as if the person next to you was watching."
-Reverend Lovejoy

Lovejoy: "Get a divorce."
Marge: "But isn't that a sin?"
Lovejoy: "Marge, just about everything is a sin. Y'ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."

"This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now let us say the lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate."
- Rev. Lovejoy

"Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends! Well I say there are some things we don't want to know! Important things!"
- Ned Flanders

"I put out these milk and cookies as a sacrifice. If Thou wishest me to eat them, please give me a
sign by doing absolutely nothing. MMMMmmmm..."
- Homer Simpson

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to GIRLS sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such."
- Homer Simpson

"Prayer has no place in the public schools, just like facts have no place in organized religion."
- School Superintendent on "The Simpsons" episode #100, 1994

"Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder"
- Homer Simpson's version of Pascal's Wager

Some more:

Homer: No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out...and come again.

Homer: Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman.

Bart: Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Homer: The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten.

Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.

Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave!

Dear God. We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing. - Bart

Oh, everything’s too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody’s a sinner! Except this guy. - Homer


  1. "I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me."
    - Homer Simpson

    Have there ever been truer words spoken?

  2. Subj: Pusgut isnt racist or anti muslim
    By: tsaphah_of_zion
    Date: 03/14/06 02:34 pm

    He just loves his people(bacon loving atheists born from jewish parents) so much, he just appears racist

  3. turdboy and pusgut in bed together???
    by: kakas_daddy 03/14/06 02:35 pm
    Msg: 2449574 of 2449580

    by: baconeatingatheistjew (44/M/The Great White North) 10/03/05 07:35 pm
    Msg: 2116555 of 2116563

    Waterman was born in Pittsburgh. His mother was a heroin addict trailer trash chick who did any guy who could supply her H. She was shooting up during the entire pregnancy, even on the day she gave birth (this explains Waterman's bipolarity). She placed her fatherless newborn in a dumpster. Waterman was saved and put up for adoption.

    A Jewish couple. A woman who survived Auschwitz and her Russian husband adopted waterman. They moved to California.

    Waterman always resented his Jewish home. His parents shouldn't have told him he was adopted.

    He began to take up non Jewish sports like surfing. It was then he met a blond haired surfing superstar named Joey Buran, who also hailed from Ohio. 4 years his junior, Waterman idolized Joey and became his friend. They would talk about Ohio and surfing endlessly into the night. Waterman was 16 and Joey was 12. He saw how easy Joey picked up girls, he wanted to be Joey so bad. They drifted apart. Joey would go out with girls and Waterman would stay at home on the weekends. Joey got married young and Waterman was hurt not to be invited to the wedding.

    Joey became a Christian minister. Waterman was confused. He tried to take his life in college and wound up on a helium machine. It was then when his life was miraculously saved in the Catholic hospital in Washington that he found Jesus.

    He went back to California and had a reason to call Joey. Joey baptised Waterman as a Christian.

    Now Waterman is a bipolar Messianic Jew.

    Posted as a reply to: Msg 2449568 by number1waterman

    by: foxy_mongolian_socksucker 03/14/06 02:40 pm
    Msg: 2449581 of 2449621
    2 recommendations

    yeah, i know you're laughing...honestly, i'm laughing too. but look at it this way: YOU try to have an arab dad. see how you turn out.

  5. I did that test too and also ended up as krusty the clown. Which was slightly disappointing as I wanted to be lisa :)

  6. You go around saying Beep Beep and you are funny as hell, and you think you aren't gonna be Krusty?

  7. I am Lisa Simpson:

    A total child prodigy and super genius, you have the mind for world domination.

    But you prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs.

    You will be remembered for: all your academic accomplishments

    Your life philosophy: "I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth"

  8. I would have guessed Lisa for you too.

  9. You Are Marge Simpson

    You're a devoted family member who loves unconditionally.

    Sometimes, though, you dream about living a wild secret life!

    You will be remembered for: your good cooking and evading the police

    Your life philosophy: "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

    Totally me.

  10. DB, that is amazing since the quiz was based on so few questions.

  11. Thanks, Bacon.

    I think it describes me so well.