August 16, 2009

Town Hall Nut Jobs Embarrass The United States

I realize there are pros and cons when it comes to the American health care debate. The main danger that comes with socialized medicine is that potentially the quality of physicians may decrease thanks to what would amount to caps on their wages and there could be less incentive to for research to happen as costs will need to come down, and in order to cut costs, drug prices need to come down.

As for the examples being thrown about using Canada, I'm sick of it. Personally, I do not know one person who went to the USA for any treatment. I know many people obviously have gone to the USA. But the stories of saved lives from doing so are few and far between. Yes, waiting times can be a bitch here, but does it really matter when we look at what is achieved collectively?

One stat that I just can't get away from is the fact that Canadians have a life expectancy two years greater than Americans. In fact, the USA ranks 47th on the list of countries in this category. Canada ranks 8th.

I don't buy diet or geography as being the reason why Canadians tend to live longer. I think Canadians eat just as much junk food collectively as Americans. And there are plenty of cold weather modern countries that have much lower life expectancies than Canada and even the USA.

America has more poverty pockets than Canada, at least right now they do. That contributes to lower life expectancy, as does gang violence and of course, the war doesn't help America's numbers, though we have lost quite a few Canadians in Afghanistan, America has lost a bigger percentage of their population.

Blacks in America have a life expectancy of around 6 years less than the average, and this brings down the average in the USA as well.

So lets say that when you take everything into consideration, lets just say that Canadians and Americans are expected to live the same life span, and expect the same quality of life as well.

The health care debate should just boil down to economics only. What system makes more economic sense when factoring in that as many citizens as possible need to be covered for anything that endangers their life.

As for the Town Hall bs. To me, all I see are a bunch of pissed off Republicans who have no clue what the issues are (I know, that there are a few that do know something). But for the most part, they are whining babies who can't cope with things like progress, a black Democrat in the White House, the thumping they took in the last election, Palin jokes, separation of church and state, and in probably most cases, EVOLUTION.

I'm convinced that 90% plus of the conservatives, who are making the USA look like a state full of mindless idiots at these Town Halls, do not accept evolution. I don't think that is a big stretch, since 45% of Americans do not accept evolution, and most of those are Republicans (the anti-science Party).

I'd like to see a few polls to prove I'm right. I know I am, but it would be nice to confirm it.

August 5, 2009

The Mind Of The Pittsburgh Fitness Club Killer

So this guy goes into a fitness club and kills 3 women and injures 9 more.

He was just a few months older than I am. He wasn't a fan of Fundies. He believed religion was a waste. No kids. But that is where are similarities end. He was no atheist, and in fact, thought that God and Jesus, etc. would forgive him for the shootings and let him live in eternal bliss.

The guy hadn't been laid in 29 years. He had a quarter of a million dollar net worth, enough to afford a hooker or two or three.

But the big question has to do with his last entry at the bottom of this post. If he didn't think that he was destined for eternal life, would he have pulled the trigger?

I feel the need to copy George Sodini's blog in case it disappears. I didn't correct his spelling errors:

George Sodini
Age 48.
DOB 9/30/1960
DOD 8/4/2009
5-10, 155 lbs.
Never married.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA

Why do this?? To young girls? Just read below. I kept a running log that includes my thoughts and actions, after I saw this project was going to drag on.

November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying fcuk who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good! In light of this I got ideas outside of Obama's plans for the economy and such. Here it is: Every black man should get a young white girl hoe to hone up on. Kinda a reverse indentured servitude thing. Long ago, many a older white male landowner had a young Negro wench girl for his desires. Bout' time tables are turned on that shit. Besides, dem young white hoez dig da bruthrs! LOL. More so than they dig the white dudes! Every daddy know when he sends his little girl to college, she be bangin a bruthr real good. I saw it. "Not my little girl", daddy says! (Yeah right!!) Black dudes have thier choice of best white hoez. You do the math, there are enough young white so all the brothers can each have one for 3 or 6 months or so.

December 22, 2008:
Time is moving along. Planned to have this done already. I will just keep a running log here as time passes. Many of the young girls here look so beautiful as to not be human, very edible. After joining this gym, started lifting weights and like it. Much info about weight programs, diet etc on the web. Or anything for that matter. Instead of TV I can Google for hours to relax. TV and most movies are dull.

December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No shit! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun. Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.

December 28, 2008:
Glad I stayed around. All these days off are great. I will shoot for Tuesday, January 6, 2009, at maybe 8:15. I have list of to-do items to make.

December 29, 2008:
Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy - usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.

December 30, 2008:
While driving I radio surfed to a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him, life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior which tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next 30 crappy years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying understanding his point. Agreement wasn't necesary. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear.

December 31, 2008:
My anger and rage is largely gone since I began lifting weights. Lifting drains me but I still have energy. Somebody else suggested running but that did not help me. I guess strenuous exercise is necesary for a man. So I just learned that now at 48. Maybe 30 years later than I would have liked. My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life's details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner. Don't know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone. Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarase me or discourage my efferts when persuing things, esp girls early on (teen years). Useless bully. Result is I am learning basics by trial and error in my 40s, followed by discuragement. Seems odd, but thats true. Writing all this is helping me justify my plan and to see the futility of continuing. Too embarassed to tell anyone this, at almost 50 one is expected to just know these things.
I hope it doesn't snow on Tuesday. Just thought of that. The crowd will be thin so I would postpone. Shit!

Now that I am on the topic of family and people I know, I might as well make a summary of sorts to show where things stand. This is New Years Eve I have time, no date tonight of course, so:

Honorable mention:

Tetelestai Church in Pittsburgh, PA - "Be Ye Holy, even as I have been Ye holy! Thus saith the lord thy God!", as pastor Rick Knapp would proclaim. Holy shit, religion is a waste. But this guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder then still go to heaven. Ask him. Call him at (724) 325-2655. If no answer there, he should still live at 439 9th Street, Oakmont, PA 15139. In any case, guilt and fear kept me there 13 long years until Nov 2006. I think his crap did the most damage. Their web site:

Mum - The Central Boss. 717 Highview Road, Pgh PA 15234. Don't piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. She actually thinks she's normal. Very dominant. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household. A power and control thing. People outside the immediate family like her. Why are people vicious with their closest ones? She is the Boss above all other Bosses.

Michael Sodini - A Boss, my brother (Mike Sodini) 216 Horseshoe Dr, Mars PA - Always the big bully, twice the size of most others. When he bullied or harassed someone, it was the other person who "deserved it". It was always about him. Way to self absorbed, too. Still is. Used to like to embarrass guys in front of their girlfriends. Lots of other shit. Kind of guy you actually loved to hate. The biggest, most self-centered jagoff I know. He took those bullying "skills" into the business world and is doing good financially. He is a big wheel only in his mind. Most people can see thru all his manipulation. He calls only when he wants something.

Sherry - sister - More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L & D caused a conflict. Never the same after.

David - neph, sis's son (girlfriend Mallory Squires). Good young guy, though.

Lisa - niece, sis's daught. Attractive, smart, emotional - all good YW qualities.


Andy Pulkowski - I have been in barrooms and church groups. The worst people by far are the religious types. Especially a right-wing, stiff-faced fundie like Andy. A condescending, demeaning, passive-aggresive person. Frigid, rigid, linear and totally inflexible. Being a very serious person, he cannot hide his frown-lined face. He better not try to smile; lest his face might crack. I knew children of parents who grew up in strict religious homes. Religion has a certain stink to it of guilt, shame, fear, and that moral standard that always contradicts the natural tendencies and desires of a person. Therin lies the conflict. Young person cannot experiment with things to decide on their own and establish their own parameters. So they tend to cut loose and really rebel much worse than the average young person. Ma and Pa never know what goes on. They easily BS their parents because they want to believe their little one is an angel. Andy has a young daughter Bethany Pulkowski away at college, High Point University. I saw her picture on his desk. She's your basic, attractive, young girl. Please reread my entry made on Nov 5th. That's only one thing she can do. You Andy types out there need to further strengthen your strict resolve and do more of the same thing! Because those girls were great when I recall my college years! She is someone's (or many guy's) little hoe now, I am sure.

Another point about andy. How can someone be cold, vicious, sarcastic and generally nasty ALL THE TIME and then make the claim about their church life and how good they are? Total hypocritical idiots.

That's all for now. That felt good.

Let's continue...

January 5, 2009:
Was at the gym to lift. Very crowded. Tomorrow should be good. There is a woman there that gives me a certain look every time I am there. I decided to walk over and make a comment about the crowds but she left when I finished the exercise. Better that I do not get sidetracked from tomorrow's plan anyways. Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same. Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone. Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren't as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man.
I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!

January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie - just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home.....My mind is screwed up anymore, I can't concentrate at work or think at all.
This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today.
It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.

It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! Shit! I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!

April 24, 2009:
Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived. First one was in November. When I began 10 years ago, that used to be a nice place to work. I understand the need to reduce staff when times sour, but this is out of proportion to the economic problems at this time. The economy is shrinking by about 4-5%. They decided not to pay Christmas bonus - for staff that amounts to about 8% of yearly pay. Well, OK. Plus no yearly "merit" raise, another 3.5%. That totals to about 11% cut. Plus two layoffs of 5% staff in each case. Do the math. I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advanage of a bad situation and kill jobs UNNECESSARILY. The second layoff people who actually did work were let go. We all need to pick up the slack so the company can cut beyond what is necesary. Wasn't going to mention it, because of all this shit, it is K&L Gates, the large law firm headquartered here in Pittsburgh. Just call it K&L Gates Corporation. Most people there are OK and I would never have a shoot 'em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far!

I predict I won't survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. RIght now, life is bearable and I can get by indefinitely. Something bad must happen. The paycheck is all I have left. The future holds nothing for me. Twenty five years of nothing fun. I never even spent one weekend with a girl in my life, even at my own place. Also unlikely to find another similar job. I guess then is when I take care of things. I don't have kids, close friends or anything. Just me here. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

I enjoy writing these entries, I have no plans to go back and edit or even read most stuff already written. If you get bored, just click that "x" at the top, right corner of your browser. Bye.

May 4, 2009:
I was so eager to do this last year. The big problem on my mind now is that my job will end soon. One project is being transistioned to another. The other one I am solely responsible, but is being fast tracked to production. I estimate maybe a month. I am not ready for the job market. I am ok what I do, a .NET software developer. Not at the top of the class, but I do a good job. I survived two general layoffs and other little layoffs they are having but keeping quiet about. I hear things.

The problem is I feel too good now to do this but too bad to enjoy life. I know I will never enjoy life. This is an over 30 year trend. Some people are happy, some are miserable. It is difficult to live almost continuously feeling an undercurrent of fear, worry, discontentment and helplessness. I can talk and joke around and sound happy but under it all is something different that seems unchangable and a permanent part of my being. I need to realize the details of what I never accomplished in life and to be convinced the future is merely a continuation of the past - WHICH IT ALWAYS has been. I am making a list of items that will provide motivation to do the exit plan, it won't be published. I always had hope that maybe things will improve especially if I make big attempts to change my life. I made many big changes in the past two years but everything is still the same. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed - nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.

What is it like to be dead? I always think I am forgetting something, that's one reason I postponed. Similar to when you leave to get in your car to go somewhere - you hesitate with a thought: "what am I forgetting?". In this case, I cannot make a return trip!

I like to write and talk. Ironic because I haven't met anybody recently (past 30 years) who I want to be close friends with OR who want to be close friends with me. I was always open to suggestions to what I am doing wrong, no brother or father (mine are useless) or close friend to nudge me and give it bluntly yet tactfully wtf I am doing wrong. A personal coach or someone who knows what he is doing would be perfect. Money is highly secondary for a solution.

May 5, 2009:
To pull the exit plan off, it popped into my mind to just use some booze. I want to do this before I get laid off, for reasons not worth mentioning but don't seem to have the balls. After the gym, I stopped at Shop N Save and got a fifth of vodka and a small bottle of Jack Daniels. I haven't had a drink since September 1, 1988, just over 20 years. It doesn't matter now, I need to use it to take the edge off of carrying out the exit plan. I will be taking some every now and then to get used to it and see if the alcohol effects will embolden me. Weed would be fun to try again. I don't know who has any. Life is over, who cares? I just need to use common sense, can't drink and drive, etc. This idea just hit me at a point in time and I immediately acted on it. Same thing happened when I decided to go back to Pitt full time, first day was Monday, May 8, 1989, and to buy the house that closed on Friday, September 30, 1996, to name two examples I remember so well.

The list idea yesterday is working. I carry it in my wallet and add to it. I am feeling to good to do carry this out, but too bad to enjoy ANYTHING. My life's dilema.

May 6, 2009:
I started the JD. About one ounce with some tea to get me started. No big deal.

May 7, 2009:
Went to the gym and did mostly cardio. My heart rate was 117 just from walking on the treadmill at 3.4. This should be done a few times a week for maybe 15 mins or so to keep the heart active. I sprinted a few times to push the limits.

May 18, 2009:
I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive. I am looking at The List I made from my May 4th idea. I forgot about that for several days. That tells me where I stand. These problems have gotten worse over a 30 year period. I need to expect nothing from me or other people. All through the years I thought we had the ability to change ourselves - I guess that is incorrect. Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else.
I no longer have any expectations of myself. I have no options because I cannot work toward and achieve even the smallest goals. That is, ABOVE ALL, what bothers me the most. Not to be able to work towards what I want in my life. I believe I am deserve that. I read recently it is called "self efficacy", but who knows. Is that more psychobable?

May 25, 2009:
I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older woman there, out of the blue, asked if I liked high school. Then quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Intersting why she would ask that. But, thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me.

May 29, 2009:
Another lonely Friday night, I'm done. This is too much.

June 2, 2009:
Some people I was talking with believed I date a lot and get around with women. They think this because I showed an email I got from a hot woman to the department gossip, but it didn't work out. All this is funny. Actually, I haven't had sex since I was 29 years old, 19 years ago. That's true.

June 5, 2009:
I was reading several posts on different forums and it seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little hoe has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, bitches! Bye.

July 4, 2009:
Wow, already late evening. I stayed in all day. Can't believe there was NOTHING to do today. No parties or picnics. WTF. No need to leave now.

July 20, 2009:
Been a long time since last write. Everything still sucks. But I got a promotion and a raise, even in this shitty Obama ecomomy. No more grunt programming. Go figure! New boss is great. He tactfully says when you did something wrong or complements on good things. Never confused with him. But that is NOT what I want in life. I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don't even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. Every person just wants to be fucking nice and say nice things to me. Flattery. Oh yeah, I am sure you can get a date anytime. You look good, etc. Pussies.
Awwww, wait. I can just start being self-righteous and say I live a good, clean life. I am holy, that's all Rick Knapp stuff. Hear that you mother fucker: I Am Just Good!

July 23, 2009:


I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob Fox's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are hoez. I masturbate. Frequently. He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie with a beautiful bod. I masturbate. Frequently. Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice. Holy fuck. I have masturbated since age 13. Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.

I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull shit. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so. He is a PUSSY at heart. Remember, Michael is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull shit if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE. Get it??

On the same thought, things occured to me today. Michael NEVER had an attractive girlfriend. Debbie, Barb, Kim, ... then I lost track. Not to say I had any (execpt Pam, who was about a 7.25). He married a Chinese-descent, petite woman with no body, no ass, no chest and no personality. She never laughs or smiles, neither does he. But she is highly intelligent and an excellent cook. I can testify to that! She home bakes her own DELICIOUS wheat bread! But who cares about that type of small bull crap? Mike even mentioned when we were visiting dad that "she's not very attractive".

I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.

On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.

Bye, for today.

August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not

August 3, 2009:
I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.

Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.

Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.

I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.

Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.


1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don't even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a "nice guy". Not kidding.

2. Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.

3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.

4. Death Lives!

UPDATE: Here are a couple of home made videos by George Sodini:

July 26, 2009

I Didn't Mow The Bee

I have a big backyard. It is fricken huge actually. Back when I lived in Toronto I had a semi-detached house, the lot was something like 17' by 80.' The backyard was so shady, we (me and my wife) decided to replace the grass with stone. We landscaped the front, which was pretty much a grass hill, with tiered terraces. No mowing, after we did that.

So we move to the Niagara region 8 years ago. For half of what my house in Toronto cost, I wound up buying a house on a 120' by 120' lot. Lots of trees on the perimeter, and lots and lots of grass that needs cutting. One good thing is the land is completely flat.

My wife does all the gardening. This used to include doing the lawn mowing. But as the years have gone by, I've actually started feeling sorry for her when she mows the lawn.

It got to the point that I couldn't watch her mow the lawn anymore. So I decided to shut the drapes.

This still didn't work, and those evolved innate feelings of guilt and empathy started to take over, so I wound up sharing the moving duties with her over the last few years.

I'm now up to doing pretty much two thirds of it now.

And I don't feel shamed having to do it either. In fact, in the Niagara region, apparently men do most of the lawn mowing. Believe it or not.

So now that I established that I do in fact mow the lawn, I need to add one more thing. In Ontario we have a brand new idiotic law that doesn't allow us to use pesticides and herbicides on our lawns anymore.

The Creeping Charlie's are loving the new rule. So while most of my property is grass, there are many (mostly shaded) areas full of weeds. And you just can't keep up with them. My wife hates weeds, but even she knows it is futile to fight them. I hope it doesn't get this way with Islam in the West:)

Doncha love the analogy?

OK, so a couple of days ago, I'm mowing over a patch of weeds, and there is a bumble bee hanging around one that flowered, just an inch off the ground. My mower is around six inches away from this self absorbed bee. Surely the motor and the vibrations will get the bee to take a hike. But no. So I move the mower two inches from the bee, and still no. Should I just keep on mowing? Absolutely not. Even though, this bee is obviously not evolved in a way to deal with the dangers of lawn mowers and is probably suffering from Rachel Corrie disease as well, I still couldn't do it.

You see, I have a problem killing animals in general. Spiders, ants, moles, you name it. I just know that it is there only crack at life. I'm very confident there isn't a human heaven, let alone a bee heaven.

I know I'm a walking contradiction when it comes to my eating habits. I try not to think about it, and the cognitive dissonance of eating meat has made me rationalize that it is OK to eat food that was bred to be food. I didn't feel guilty at all while enjoying the chicken parmigiana I had last night. I don't feel guilty eating bacon or cheeseburgers or steaks.

When I see a live pig though, I have a sense of guilt. But they taste so damn good. And besides, if Darwin didn't want us to eat meat, he wouldn't have given us with teeth:)

Another thing is that I'm hearing that we have had a bee shortage in North America, and apparently bees have a lot of responsibility when it comes to a lot of the food we grow and eat. Maybe I saved the earth by not mowing the bee, but probably not.

But then again, if this bee's genes are passed along, it is no wonder there are fewer of them. They have to know that they need to get the hell out of the way of lawn mowers. Did I help stupid bees by not offing this one? No, this one wasn't a breeding bee. Should I go after his mother, the Queen, so that she can't produce such stupid bees anymore?

This leads into another thing. I do make exceptions to my "I can't kill any animal" rule. That one has to do with stinking cockroaches. When I lived in an old apartment in Toronto in my single days, there were cockroaches. They deserved to die. Why? Because they carry disease that could be harmful to me. With flies, I usually give them a chance to leave the house, by opening the door, and if it doesn't leave and my wife swats one, I feel no remorse.

What about humans? Could I kill a human? If someone is a physical danger to me, yes. If someone murdered a loved one, I could see myself revenging it, though it isn't likely, I would desire that person to be dead.

For humanity? I wonder how many people would answer this question truthfully: If you could go back in time and kill Adolph Hitler in the 1920's, would you, if it means that you would not be born today (and if you have kids, your kids wouldn't be born today)?

When you think of all the suffering Hitler caused, the answer should be yes. But I selfishly admit that I wouldn't, unless my life was almost over. I value and appreciate this one crack at life I have. And I've also rationalize not killing Hitler in sort of the same way I rationalized the Hiroshima bombing: Had the US not dropped the bomb, killing many innocent people in doing so, it would have been inevitable that the bomb would have been dropped shortly thereafter by Russia or the US or both. The main reason the Cold War didn't lead to Nuclear annihilation is because both sides knew the real consequences thanks to what happened to Japan. The human suffering would have been even greater.

Had Hitler not shown us once and for all that the idea of mass geographical conquest will never work again, some other leader in Europe probably would have done something similar by now. Again, with WMD technology much lower back when WW2 started, humans may be extinct by now if conquest was coupled with nuclear capabilities.

As for the Jews and the Holocaust, it is a tough one not offing Hitler when it comes to all the suffering he created. But Jews have been scapegoats for 2000 years, and another leader in anti-semitic Europe may have popped up and did something similar. Now at least Israel exists, and Jews have a place to go if anti-semitism rears its ugly head anywhere on this planet, anytime. And Israel was fast tracked because of the Holocaust, because of Hitler's game plan.

However, if I was in my 80's and could go back in time, I would definitely take an axe and chop him into pieces.

Also, when it comes to humanity, I'm no fan of Islam. It is completely at odds with Western civilization and freedom. Do I believe that anyone who supported the Fall of Capitalism & Rise of Islam conference in Chicago recently deserves to die? Tough one. Would it be better for humanity if these people didn't exist? 100% for sure. Could I kill any of them? No. But if I had a gun to my head and had to decide who should die, the pig that my next rack of ribs came from or one of these hypocritical morons who hate the West but come and live here anyway, I would definitely say, kill the ass waver.

July 18, 2009

Getting Spammed By David Mabus

Who is David Mabus? I think the best description comes from Pharyngula:

Miscreant: David Mabus


Sentence: Automatically Junked

Comments: Deeply deranged, disturbed individual who believes James Randi has cheated him out of a million dollars, and who vents by spamming websites and email with his angry tirades. Certifiable. Needs immediate mental health care. His real name is Dennis Markuze, and he lives in Montreal, Canada.

I've been on his spam list for quite some time, though for some reason his email's wound up in my main mail box. After reading the first his first two spews I just "marked as spam" and deleted all future emails.

I received another one recently, so I decided to engage him personally:) For your enjoyment, here is the recent exchange:

Mabus Spam Email: The termination of the James Randi Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge:

"I find that the high concentration of this type of person is fairly unique to this forum. I assume it has to do with the challenge, and the fact that nearly every type of paranormal belief system is skewered here. I also post on the snopes urban legend forum, where you might expect there to be a lot of similarly deluded people, but it honestly doesn't happen much there. Perhaps the specific legends debunked don't raise as many hackles as debunking schools of thought.

I don't think there is anything that can be done about it. I think dealing with lunatics is inherent to JREFs mission. Individual posters can of course take themselves out of the discussion at any time. But I think prematurely banning people (even if you know they're going to eventually implode like this) is a bad idea, because it just gives them more ammunition to say the contest is rigged. Better to hear them out and just continue being rational until they either start making sense or implode."

Well said, LIAR! Why don't all these deluded skeptics take their own worthless advice for once...


BEAJ: Take me off your list you reality denying retard.


The Atheist Jew

MABUS: as if YOU know what is reality, you bacon eating atheist jew...

BEAJ: Imbecile, just take me off your list. You are nothing but a lunatic. Seriously, don't email me again.


BEAJ: Just take me off your list, imbecile. And look into getting yourself institutionalized right after that.

MABUS: you think you are safe *lying* behind your are DEADLY WRONG

BEAJ: You really need attention, don't you? Get help. You are one of the most obviously insane individuals on the internet these days. I don't care if you want to deny reality, but I have no interest in being part of your idiocy.

MABUS: Deny reality?


BEAJ: Are you threatening me now you bi-polar imbecile?
From Pharyngula about you:

Deeply deranged, disturbed individual who believes James Randi has cheated him out of a million dollars, and who vents by spamming websites and email with his angry tirades. Certifiable. Needs immediate mental health care. His real name is Dennis Markuze, and he lives in Montreal, Canada.

Get help.


BEAJ: There is no hell, you bipolar freak.

Got the same spam email once again that triggered the first exchange. My reply to it:

BEAJ: I told you to take me off your list, oh insane one.

MABUS: and I told you to FUCK OFF, you bacon eating jew boy...

BEAJ: Fine. Take me off your list, you berserk twit.

MABUS: make me...

Yep, I sure have a way when it comes to attracting freaks. I'm not talking about my regular readers, of course:)...well, most of you, that is.

July 15, 2009

How Come I Like Stories About The Supernatural So Much?

I know one thing, I do not accept that any supernatural occurrence has happened anywhere in the universe, anytime. Are supernatural occurrences possible? I guess anything in possible. But anything isn't very likely.

No Gods, no ghosts, no Leprechauns, no invisible man under my bed, no streakers on Venus, etc.

But I have to ask why I so readily accept ghosts in movies, devils in movies, supernatural events in movies? Is it a form of escape into a land of wishful thinking? Or just a form of escape? Or just plain old entertainment and appreciation of creative writers?

When I was a child, I watched a lot of Twilight Zone. After watching one particular episode, I remember asking my grandmother if she would let me phone her if and when she died. In other words, there was a time that I thought the Twilight Zone was a documentary. I'm pretty sure I grew out of it when I was 8 or 9 though, but I can't remember.

For years I slept with the light on as well, scared of the unknown. I think I stopped that nonsense in my early teens. And now I like to sleep in the dark with the TV off.

Again, I went through the regular channels in becoming atheist. From assuming there was a God and supernatural occurrences, to reading existential literature in high school while at the same time realizing that science had an answer for just about everything, I gradually became agnostic, and finally atheist after rationalizing everything out. This probably didn't happen until my early 30's. And then to top it off, around 7 or 8 years ago, in my early forties, I found out that there is absolutely no contemporary evidence for the Exodus or even a historical Jesus.

Not only is there lack of evidence for the supernatural, but there is also nothing to back up the most famous biblical stories that the overwhelming majority of human beings today buy into.

The reason I'm making this post is that I recently watch Ghost Town. I found it laugh out loud funny at times, though I wish I could have been a writer on that movie (I think I could have made it a lot funnier). I've never had that thought before either. I just thought of things that would have made it more hilarious.

But back to the movie, I really got into it. It isn't the first time. The Sixth Sense for example, same thing.

But really, my favorite shows on TV are animated. Family Guy, American Dad, South Park, and supernatural or sci fi stuff happens all the time in those cartoons.

I still believe strongly that we evolved the susceptibility to buy into the supernatural as a way of defense mainly, especially when our ancestors couldn't explain lightning. So maybe there is a disconnect from my atheistic worldview when we watch these types of movies and shows, and probably when we dream too.

I wonder if I were a theist today, if I would view films like Ghost Town and The Sixth Sense the same way. Do theists think, "hey I want to be that type of ghost when I die." Or do they just enjoy the movie, and in the back of their mind, know they are watching something unrealistic, even to them?"

Just a note, for those who don't know, the star of Ghost Town, comic Ricky Gervais, is a non believer, just like me.